Black Magic Casts Deadly Smell

Posted by: Unbiased Reporter on 2013-10-06 21:34:57
Old Blues Eyes, Frank Sinatra, sang about Black Magic having him under it's spell, but in MGASL, Black Magic had everyone under their smell, and it was a royal stink bomb. Wannabees Black Magic finally discovered what it means to have real powers of prestidigitation when they ran head first into the freight train of THEE MAGIC.

After three weeks of beating up on also-rans and writing diatribes of their greatness, the Brown Magic, oops, I mean Black Magic, had no answer for the true league champions. Brown Magic - damn, did it again - scored first to take a 1-0 lead, but Magic Mog came back quickly for THEE MAGIC to draw level. THEE MAGIC, a.k.a., soon to be league champions, added another to pull ahead, but Brown Magic still had delusions of greatness and drew level again at 2-2. This was all early in the first half.

At the risk of being a spoiler, and for anyone who read the box scores, you'll know that this was the end of competition from the Wannabees as THEE MAGIC proceeded to score seven (7!) unanswered goals before the final whistle. For those not well versed in math, this is 150% of total goals scored against Brown Magic in the first three games combined. In case anyone reading this isn't following along any better than Brown Magic did in the game, this was only for one game, beating the per game average by 450%.

To put it bluntly, Brown Magic's defense had more holes than an orgy full of bull dykes. Robert Morris was all but unstoppable and seemed to be playing several positions at once, taking goal kicks then rushing down the field to score on offense. He wasn't alone, with goals coming from Magic Mog, Joe Joiner, and Cherinor Sillah. The goals came so fast and were so numerous that others may have scored, also.

THEE MAGIC were also aided in their ridiculously overwhelming and lopsided victory by having Chuck Kim in goal. Chuck repeatedly soared through the air, seemingly defying gravity to punch out attacks made by that other team that almost showed up to play. This was in sharp contrast to the stand in keeper that THEE MAGIC had last week who was about as difficult to get through as wet tissue paper.

Thomas anchored a solid defense for THEE and was aided in the effort by strong play from Aaron "Come on, Guys" Cooley and Steve "No, I'm not Dana Carvey" Johnson. Dylan Fiut and Aran MacKinnon ably controlled the midfield and maybe even scored, while Jaun Hernandez stretched out the posers by filling the lead striker position.

In a post game interview, Brown Magic Captain (goes down with a sinking ship) Nate was asked, "What do you think happened today? What made the difference?" His response, and I'm paraphrasing somewhat, went something like: I knew this day was coming. THEE MAGIC are the team to beat. I feel fortunate that we were able to keep up the facade this long through lucky scheduling. As I reflect, Mr. Unbiased Reporter, I realize that even you out performed me today, playing up top and back on defense, not to mention your ability to fill in at keeper when the need arises.

At that point the interview had to be brought to a premature end as it was difficult to understand his incoherent ramblings through the sobs and the tears were getting my cleats wet.


Black Magic showed up half strength this weekend. Consider yourself lucky that you didn't experience their full power -- it would have been overwhelming. Also consider yourself lucky that Black Magic's third pick had to leave at half time to coach his kids game. Dark Wizard Sith Lords of the Pitch do no encourage having children, but we made an exception in this case due to his skill level.

Black Magic's recollection of the post game interview:

Greggor: Excuse me sir. *falls to the ground trembling*. Why did you spare us
Dark Lord Nate: Rise. We were missing many of our most potent dark wizards this week.
Greggor: We thank you for your mercy.
Dark Lord Nate: You will not experience such mercy in our next meeting.
Greggor: *trembles*
Dark Lord Nate: Now get the hell out of here!
Greggor: *Runs away*

Guest @ 2013-10-07 05:07:03

In all fairness to the Brown Magic, they were missing Chris Reeves.
I think he would have have made an impact.
Probably would have been 7-2 if Chris was there.

The Real Magic.

Guest @ 2013-10-07 11:24:30

Dang! We had a game yesterday? Stupid alarm system. I could get out of the house. Serves me right for using Kevins company...

Guest @ 2013-10-07 14:28:01


Guest @ 2013-10-07 14:29:50

I had that in mind when I hooked u up.
Expect a huge malfunction on November 10th.

Guest @ 2013-10-07 20:00:17

I overheard part of that conversation between Gregor and Nate. The part I heard went like this:

Gregor: You like Star Wars references don\'t you?

Nate. Yeah, I do. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get the guys in the league to stop calling me Nate and start calling me Jar Jar?

Guest @ 2013-10-08 10:42:26

Glad to see the Unbiased Reporter back writing his hilarious posts! But what about the biggest news of the week? RARE GOLD AT THE #1 SPOT!!!

The Commish

Guest @ 2013-10-08 10:44:16

Hey man, I say I lot of things on this site. I run my mouth and may tell a few stories that are slightly less than factual, but saying someone wants to be Jar Jar is below the belt!

Rare Gold, enjoy your time on top -- it's not going to last long. We'll start our ascent next weak with a sound thrashing of White Lightning.


Guest @ 2013-10-08 15:05:10

Sorry to say but I am not a huge Star Wars guy.
Who the hell is Jar Jar ?

Kevin M

Guest @ 2013-10-08 16:07:15

Kevin - ever heard of Google? From Wikipedia:

Jar Jar Binks first appears in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace as a bumbling, annoying, foolish Gungan from the planet Naboo. Banished by his tribe through Boss Rugor Nass for his clumsiness, he is nearly killed by a Federation transport, only to be saved at the last minute by Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn.

I thought I heard Nate, I mean Jar Jar, say that, but I wasn't sure. Good to get the confirmation.

Don't worry Nate, I'll try to remember to refer to you as Jar Jar from now on, if my trembling doesn't get the better of me.


Web Site Admin @ 2013-10-08 21:30:07

Dang, I thought everyone has seen Star Wars. I can see Kevin reading my posts with a confused look on his face, saying "Omg, this is one crazy psycho." Haha

Gregor, this newly found confidence of yours is going to come crashing down the next time you're on the field with Black Magic. Mark my words!


Guest @ 2013-10-09 16:14:44

Great article Rob! You hit the nail on the head. Makes me wenodr why more people don't look into getting involved in this industry. Very low risk to get started yet people will spend their life fortunes on riskier business investments. That is why it is up to us to show every one there is a better way.

Guest @ 2014-02-16 14:42:15

Everyone who thinks hes tkaing the piss? Stfu.Some people generally do not know what it means deal with it.Gregg is actually respectable he's apologized for looking stupid (which he doesn't) yet you continue to laugh?you lot are probably twelve years old, and knowing what a blow job is at that age is revolting. [url=]msybugmlbng[/url] [link=]ucynocfcu[/link]

Guest @ 2014-02-17 12:35:10

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