Black Magic's Achilles Heel

Posted by: Unbiased Reporter on 2013-11-10 11:20:39
It should be obvious to even the most casual observer that the challenge facing Nate's team is that they don't have Daryl Berryhill on the roster. This perennial juggernaut of soccerdom has been referred to in the past as a cross between a gazelle and a pimento cheese sandwich, and in this season's orange jersey he aptly fits both descriptions.

I presume that many readers were expecting either a detailed accounting of today's match up or possibly some trite commentary on how great one team is whilst another severely lags behind. Be it known to all that that brand of journalism is out when the time to tout the praises of DB is in. I don't know if he played today, but if he did, I'm sure it was sensational; if he didn't play today then certainly his reasons were justified.

Here's to you Daryl Berryhill, may I be Charlotte to your Wilbur. All hail Daryl.

P.S. - I find it extremely unsporting of the Black keeper to not let me have the ball while I was all alone in the box and Chuck would punt it to me. I hope that this does not become a habit.

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Thanks Gregor. You will always be my “Charlotte”… and here’s your commentary--

I played poorly matched up against the Twin Towers in Nick & BJ. St. Nick “I’m the” Mans… will, going forward, be known as “Dirty Nick” for receiving a Yellow Card due to physical play, a positive performance-enhancing drug test and a “I must break you” pregame speak.

Orange was excited to finally see Chris Harris back after 5 weeks of contract hold-out. Ownership did give up 2 draft picks, an undisclosed sum of money and a player to be named later (that player will be named as soon as we find someone who will take Myles.)

With David on the DL (sprained liver), John “don’t call me de Gea” Kout provided the necessary goal keeper skills to mail in the 3-2 victory. Within the game, it actually became of battle of which “Half-timer” would show up first: Adam stunned everyone by arriving early (or 20 minutes late depending on your relativity). Carlos finally showed up 20 minutes into the 2nd half. That punctuality may have nailed Green’s coffin. Speaking of punctuality, Abel was a no-show. In order to make the contest fair, Orange’s fearless leader coached from the sideline throughout most of the game. It took his coaching prowess for Orange to realize that giving Jose “Snowbird” Perez 40 yards behind the back-line might be detrimental.

(Almost) missed was an Academy Awards nomination for “Best Supporting Actor” to Shabazz after the 6’4”, 220 lb forward fell to the ground in painful protest during a collision with Orange’s feisty 5’5” 170 lb defender, Doug. Eagle-eye Quame, the renowned critic (& referee) in these parts, saw the performance as a reprehensible display of performing art. The disgraceful showing has even caused the famous Juilliard School to refute any affiliation with its former student.
I cannot close out this commentary without officially protesting the lack of recognition to one of the most talented brothers in this league (I’m only aware of two sets). “Tiny” BJ single-handedly kept Orange from completely undressing Green with gritty defense and save after save in only a half in goal. The other brother, “Iron” Mike made a costly error in actually showing up for the Over30 Evaluation Scrimmage Classic. He, like his brother before him, could have been selected in the late rounds as a league sleeper. Unfortunately, the skillful showing was his undoing and subsequently he was selected high in the draft by White Lightning (a “death sentence” in our league).

This set of brothers has earned their reputation for dedicated defense with no want for attention or praise. The “other” set of brothers has been accused of traits similar to those celestial bodies in space that consume all: Massive in size, attacking in all directions, but more importantly, the quantum field property of inescapability-- namely, when I pass you the ball… I don’t get it back.

Weekend spread:
Gold @ Orange (+2.5): The spread moves to -2.5 IF Adam arrives on time.
Black @ White (+4): White keeps it “close” only because Black has 9 players.
Green @ Blue (-3): only because Green will pull a “White Lightning” and forfeit at halftime after falling behind 6-0.

-Pimento Cheese

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