Mysterious Injuries Strike MGASL

Posted by: Chase Drew on 2010-04-27 20:34:47

Rash of amazing injuries hits MGASL

 

In my years of playing soccer I have seen several terrible injuries.  In college I saw a teammates shin bone collapse in a collision with a keeper.  In high school I was making a run when a teammate turned wrong and sheared his knee cap in half.  I even had a teammate receive 28 stitches in his head after a head on foot collision in a meaningless game in junior high.  But the series of injuries I have seen recently while playing in the MGASL over 30 league seems to take the cake.

 

Donít get me wrong, there have been some legitimate injuries.  Michael Klyachkin actually tore his ACL and broke his ankle in back to back seasons.  Dave Lallo, despite the rumors to the contrary, really did blow his ACL in a soccer game and not in some strange voodoo medicine show.  Even iron man Brian Buss was taken down from behind by Paul Cuthbert in an indoor game.

 

Even with the normality of these other injuries, more ominous injuries are lurking just around the corner.  According to the doctors at Ortho Georgia I tore the meniscus in my wrist in September of 2009 when I was mauled from behind by league terror Thomas Kaczmarski.  And in the 5 game of this season I blew out my calf spleen when some phantom midget kicked me from behind.  Although the rumors have not been confirmed an anonymous witness swears he saw a partially bald man in a white jersey giggling as he sprinted back to field 2b.

 

Although I have experienced some of these strange injuries, I am not the only one.  Three seasons ago Ivan Chimelo was tackled from behind and broke his wrist.  The vicious tackle was performed by notorious attacker Bill OíDaniel.  Ever time this injury has come up in conversation Bill has been heard to say that Ivanís fat caused the injury.  Really, does anyone really believe that you can injure fat?

 

And Ivan is not the only other person to receive a strange injury.  Paul Cuthbert has been hurt all season.  The captain of the Red teams injury seems to have started in his knee, moved up to his back, and finally ended in his whoowhoo.  Although he is British, which means he is of a strange and unusual species, has any other man ever had a whoowhoo?

 

With the strange things occurring around MGASL the last several seasons you need to watch out for yourself.  You never know if you are going to be the next one to pop a foot thyroid, hip liver, or a shoulder wee wee.  So, remember to stretch and be prepared.  You never know if you are going to be next!

 

Chase Drew

http://www.theonion.com/

 

 

  


Comments

you played in high school and college. wow. no wonder you are the glue.

Guest @ 2010-04-27 20:41:54

i love when chase writes about...chase. As Terrell Owens would say, "I love me some me!" Good article Elmer Drew!

Guest @ 2010-04-28 16:40:28

Bill, is that you leprechaun? Obviously satire is beyond you...as is putting your name on your posts

Guest @ 2010-04-28 21:09:53

As a matter of fact. No the previous one was not me but I would have to agree withe poster. Oh and don\'t blame Thomas for the wrist injury. Working the wrist out every night would cause that kind of problem.

Guest @ 2010-04-29 12:47:58

Hey Bill, are you supposed to be attacking someone from behind? You havent taken anybody out in a while..are you going through withdrawls???

Guest @ 2010-04-29 14:44:51